my body is doing this new thing where every time i get tired i get nauseous.
bought my first star wars shirt yesterday & now my life is complete
So there was this guy who briefly became a good friend, we lived down the street and we hung out a solid amount & he invited me to do all the things. I became comfortable around him even though, at the time, I was avoiding spending time with men, especially alone; but I broke the rules for him because he was very respectable and he made me feel safe & valued. I went from the ‘hell no, never.’ perspective to entertaining the idea of us being more than friends for 20 days. I think we were both pretty flirty during those days, but I changed my mind back to ‘hell no’ fairly quick. Our relationship never changed, but we both got busy & moved & haven’t seen each other much lately. In that time he’s become much less considerate, flaky and distant when we do see each other. Now, we talk when we need something from the other. It’s been 2 months since I thought about it, and he’s just now asking if we need to DTR, indirectly.
I’m sure that the things that I liked about him are still a part of him, but I haven’t seen them in a long while. I hate speculation, but maybe he got creeped out when he thought I liked him. I did like him, for about 2.5 weeks, but the rest of the time he’s always just been a friend.
20 days this year, my longest crush. thank God for journals, because i have no concept of time
i’ve been trying out this new style called ‘white trash’ i think its very becoming
on this road trip i am going to learn how to have fun & be genuinely loving, kind, and warm to people.
I want to be one of those people who treats everyone like gold, and is willing to make sacrifices of comfort to help someone out, not just because i like them, but because we all deserve to be treated well and there are enough selfish shitty people in the world already.
I guess I want to be truly selfless.
I’ve been acting like a piece of shit for quite some time now, i’m not really sure how to stop. i like not caring about things, but i don’t like treating people poorly because i don’t know how else to act.
okay so i need to get up & i need to go get breakfast but i hate everything & i don’t want to talk to anyone
see my dilemma?